My Past Doesn't Define Me

I did a lot of horrible things not long ago but I am mentally ill and consequently was a drug addict.

I was lost in the world of illusion. My ego ,with its malformed defense mechanisms, would persuade me to do something on impulse only to stop me mid-action with fear and with regret that I had not done everything perfectly. As a result I felt like a failure having tried so many things and failed so many times.

Its very easy to descend into illusion again reliving every past mistake in my head and being completely unable to cope, completely unable to try, completely unable to live my life.

It's very easy to begin to believe in the illusionary thought that failure is my fate. Fate is an Archon in Gnosticism,literally a demonic personification of the term. She is the ruler of fate but she is also evil. God can overcome any evil in our lives.

So I do still relive those past mistakes every day to some extent but ever so slowly I am getting better. I now have a religion that puts me in touch with God rather than commands me to pray and have blind faith without knowing how to listen or see, I am in therapy, and I have been drug free for months.

George Eliot said,

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

My past mistakes, my past evils, don't make me a failure or a bad person my choices in the present do.

If I can stay in the present as God has exhorted me too over and over again in my dreams and live my life in a right if imperfect way I am as good as anyone can be.

The past is dead, the future is uncertain, only the present exists.

Of course that doesn't mean I can't learn lessons from the past or think about possible futures (particularly when using the tarot) but I CAN'T Live in either. If I do I descend into all encompassing illusion ,into a deep dark pit, and I think instead its time to ascend to the Pleroma of infinite light!

Is Magic Evil?

Is Magic evil?

If we are going to follow the demiurge's law (if in fact is not just the disguised law of the elders) than certainly it is,

"Let no one be found among you who... practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord.."
-Deuteronomy 18:10-12

Now it could be argued that magic is used repeatedly by the prophets and high priests in the form of dream divination and the gem encrusted breastplate with the divining urim and thummin or healing talismans such as the snake on the cross. By orthodox Christians in the forms of holy water,icons,and medals.

Putting aside the question of whether or not those objects and practices constitute "Magic" though are we as Gnostics (and indeed Christians) even bound by old testment taboos against it?
Jesus said,

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."

-Matthew 5:17

Paul further said,

"Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died."

-Romans 7:9

Those are only two short verses but it should be obvious from a purely orthodox perspective that the old law is death and now dead not because its was abolished by Christ but because it was fulfilled in his life.

Now specifically in regards to us Christian Gnostics we know that the demiurge is not our true father.
Our God is beyond material reality and beyond the soul stuff that Jehovah is made of.

Our Lord Jesus Christ said,

"The Monad is a monarchy with nothing above it. It is he who exists as God and Father of everything, the invisible One who is above everything, who exists as incorruption, which is in the pure light into which no eye can look.
"He is the invisible Spirit, of whom it is not right to think of him as a god, or something similar. For he is more than a god, since there is nothing above him, for no one lords it over him. For he does not exist in something inferior to him, since everything exists in him. For it is he who establishes himself. He is eternal, since he does not need anything. For he is total perfection. He did not lack anything, that he might be completed by it; rather he is always completely perfect in light. He is illimitable, since there is no one prior to him to set limits to him. He is unsearchable, since there exists no one prior to him to examine him. He is immeasurable, since there was no one prior to him to measure him. He is invisible, since no one saw him. He is eternal, since he exists eternally. He is ineffable, since no one was able to comprehend him to speak about him. He is unnameable, since there is no one prior to him to give him a name.
"He is immeasurable light, which is pure, holy (and) immaculate. He is ineffable, being perfect in incorruptibility. (He is) not in perfection, nor in blessedness, nor in divinity, but he is far superior. He is not corporeal nor is he incorporeal. He is neither large nor is he small. There is no way to say, 'What is his quantity?' or, 'What is his quality?', for no one can know him. He is not someone among (other) beings, rather he is far superior. Not that he is (simply) superior, but his essence does not partake in the aeons nor in time. For he who partakes in an aeon was prepared beforehand. Time was not apportioned to him, since he does not receive anything from another, for it would be received on loan. For he who precedes someone does not lack, that he may receive from him. For rather, it is the latter that looks expectantly at him in his light.
"For the perfection is majestic. He is pure, immeasurable mind. He is an aeon-giving aeon. He is life-giving life. He is a blessedness-giving blessed one. He is knowledge-giving knowledge. He is goodness-giving goodness. He is mercy and redemption-giving mercy. He is grace-giving grace, not because he possesses it, but because he gives the immeasurable, incomprehensible light."

- The Secret Revelation of St. John

But then who is the demiurge to us? The Sethites would say he is an evil taskmaster but I tend toward the Valentinian school in thinking that the demiurge is not evil but in fact he is a kind of shadow of the Unknown Father,
"He is the lord of all of them, that is, the countenance which the logos (Sophia) brought forth in his thought as a representation of the Father of the Totalities. Therefore, he is adorned with every name which is a representation of him, since he is characterized by every property and glorious quality. For he too is called 'father' and 'god' and 'demiurge' and 'king' and 'judge' and 'place' and 'dwelling' and 'law'"

-Tripartite Tractate 100:21-30

The demiurge is worthy of esteem as is his flawed but beautiful creation. I do not believe that either he or his material universe is evil yet we are NOT meant to worship him and his laws are as nothing to us.

In a very real sense than we are NOT Judeo-Christians though let no one doubt we agree on one thing with our orthodox brothers (and I call them brothers because Jesus asks us to love our enemy and it is fitting that we should extend the christian hand of brotherhood to those whose fathers tried to exterminate our great tradition),
Jesus Christ is the center of our religion and our savior. Without the thought of the Unknown Father and His name becoming manifest in bodily form salvation through Gnosis would be impossible.

So getting back to the topic at hand with all that as essential background information our Gnostic forefathers practiced what I would call white magic. In fact our traditional founding church father is Simon the Magician or Magus so how could magic be forbidden to us?

 Personally I think the inherent good or evil in Magic has nothing to do with its practice or rituals and everything to do with intentions. (Though certainly human sacrifice,necromancy, and invoking demons is evil. We are on the side of the light after all!)

In trying to divine God's will for you are your trying to mold that will into what you desire or are you trying to listen and be lead?

In conjuring up an Angel are you trying to seek guidance in your life with a pure heart or are you trying to have a grand vision tailor made for a new age publishing house that will create wealth for yourself?

Its not wrong to ask God for things or even to write down your experiences and share them but I think its wrong to manipulate whatever God's message is to you or to use that message solely for financial gain.

 If you have evil, purely selfish, or purely materialistic intent than you are very likely to conjure up something evil even if it appears as an angel of light.

What am I Reading Lately?

I'm reading:

"The Fool's Pilgrimage: Kabbalistic Meditations on the Tarot."
by Stephan Hoeller, bishop of Ecclesia Gnostica.

"A Gnostic Prayerbook: Rites, Rituals, Prayers and Devotions for the Solitary Modern Gnostic." by Jeremy Puma

"A Gnostic Book of Hours." by June Singer

Today's PPF Reading

Past

God is saying I was unsatisfied because my wishes were not being fulfilled. I had unrealistic expectations and put little actual work into making my dreams materialize. This card might also refer to my over indulgence in drugs and food in the past which are two temptations I have had great problems with. Satisfying my bodily desires at the expense of future gains is a sure road to ruin.
 There was a feeling of emptiness. Cups is the suit of feeling, of water.









Present

This is a good sign!
I am getting a feel for what my true goals in life are but I must continue on in that path of discovery. I hold in my right hand the world and in my left the wand. I should let my intuition guide me towards the right choices.
 In regards to accomplishing my true goals I should be patient and continue on my journey comforted in the knowledge that if I remain focused I will continue down the right road.










Future

If I don't watch myself God is telling me that I will fall back into the great inward conflict that has dogged me for years. In my despair I may avoid taking responsibility for my own actions and blame others or I may blame the Archon Fate.
 I MUST MUST MUST Guard against this. I've made a lot of progress in the last few months but It will all coming to nothing if I get bogged down in self-hate,shame,and irresponsibility.
 Where I can not make amends for past actions I must let go. The past is dead. God told me in a dream once to live in the present and thats exactly what I must do.


Praise the Unknown Father of All! Amen.

A Dream...

 "We are so captivated by and entangled in our subjective consciousness that we have forgotten the age-old fact that God speaks chiefly through dreams and visions."
 - Carl Jung, "The Symbolic Life."

In what I remember of my dream the night before last I was trying to run away from something or more likely someone. I ran up and down staircases that lead to dead end rooms in a cavernous building that reminded me at once of a sanitarium and also my dead grandparents house.
 Not all staircases lead to rooms sometimes just to walls but the room I remember had an old antique desk and filing cabinets with papers and old timey office supplies strewn about. It reminded me of the 1930's.
  In this Winchesteresque behemoth I eventually went down a long hardwood stairs with a wobbly but well polished old hand rail and found myself on one side of a poorly lit football field sized sandbox room with doors on the other side. The floor was literally all sand,white sand and the ceiling was high above,as high as a gymnasium. It was lit only by one window on the left hand side and natural light from beyond some of the opposite sides doors.
 The whole building seemed to be lit by only natural light.

 Now there is a lot of symbolism here,a lot of deep meaning. Much of it is quite obvious.
 Through my dreams and the cards God is telling my something quite profound lately,in general its a warning.
  Personally my greatest challenge as a Gnostic is to not forget my dreams.

Dreams are very important because God speaks to us through dreams always,every single night...

Today's PPF Reading

Lets see what God is saying to me through the cards today!

Past

 I was delaying the very thing I needed most. Destruction of old ways that brings about change. I believe that it is positive change however and the destruction of old things is absolutely necessary in order to become new.
 I wanted this transformation and renewal but I was afraid and I should put on the armor of Christ and be brave so that I may be in him for, "...If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
-2 Corinthians 5:17

When those old things are passed away,they are DESTROYED FOREVER!




Present

 I am FINALLY beginning to break through the fog of confusion and illusion to pursue my true goals. I need to watch myself though lest the Seven of Cups becomes upright again and I fall backwards much like the man and the women falling backwards on the reversed tower card.
 For now though all I can say is Praise Pistis Sophia,Praise Iesus Christos,Praise the Unknown Father of All! Amen.










Future

This card could disturb me if I let it.
It indicates that there will be a time of poverty in my life in the near future. While it could mean material poverty or physical sickness I think its a warning that spiritual poverty is on the way. If I do no redouble my efforts to be mindful of God,to see him in all things,and to love my fellow man I will fall into a dark place spiritually.
 I may forget how to listen and see,I may fall back into the illusion of materialism,I may become depressed and sick again.
 It is a great gift to know before hand that that is a strong possibility in the near future because it gives me the opportunity to guard against it and I will do my best!



Praise the Lord!

A Stranger's Prayer

O Lord God,
You who are above all the great eternal realms,
You who have neither beginning nor end,
Bestow upon us a spirit of knowledge,
For the revelation of your mysteries,
To come to a knowledge of ourselves:
Where we have come from,
Where we are going,
And what we should do in order to live. Amen.


Taken from "A Gnostic Prayerbook: Rites, Rituals, Prayers and Devotions for the Solitary Modern Gnostic" by Jeremy Puma

A Gnostic walks into a bar...

I believe there are three fundamental kinds of people.
The Hylic,the Psychic,and the Pneumatic.
I am a psychic trying to be a pneumatic. I charge $9.99 a minute.

Alchemy is Real or: A Fish Broke the Laws of Physics!

 Oh an infinite power source, alchemy, and time travel are not possible? It breaks the laws of physics and chemistry you say? Hmmmmmmm interesting.

 Are the laws of science stagnant? Do we know all there is?

I ask because a fish broke the laws of physics and if a fish can how much more likely can we?

We don't have an infinite power source yet but in the future who knows?

As for Alchemy scientists have in fact turned lead into gold using nuclear transmutation.

And what about time travel? Well OF COURSE ITS POSSIBLE!

Whats my point in all this?

We're all just fool's even scientists so believe in the impossible because the only hard truth in this life is anything is possible!

Meme me...

Feel free to steal this!

Today's PPF Reading

Past

God is telling me through this card that I was tired of arguing and more open to change. I realized that I was no longer the contented victor as the man with a smirk holding all the swords seems to be. My smirk has turned upside down into a frown. There is no winning in argument.











Present

God is telling me through this card that I need to prioritize and remember what truly matters to me. I need to stop,evaluate my passions, and plan a path towards accomplishing my true goals.
If I am going to grow I need to step out of my comfort zone and broaden my world. I need to organize and let go of fear.










Future

God is telling me I am a mature, loving, emotional person but if I don't stay on guard I will let my emotions control me again. I will began to value other peoples opinions of me more than my own and fall back into illusion.












 Its an upside down kinda day. I was,am,and will go backward rather than forward if I don't reflect.

 I had intended this to be a general reading but I see that it also is in regards to a specific issue in my life right now and I am thankful for the advice.

Praise the Unknown Father of All!

The Lion in the Mirror

 My ego gets in the way of my happiness and growth as a human being.

The Major Arcana is called the Fool's Journey and since I use the tarot everyday I am reminded that that's exactly what I am. A fool on a journey.

I stubble off the path to enlightenment lost in the egos quest for glory swallowed by illusion,

"What am I telling you?
All at once the living die.
How do they live in illusion?
The rich become poor,
kings are overthrown,
everything changes.
The world is illusion."

-The Treatise on Resurrection 48:19-23

My ego thinks that I can change the world ,as Ive often said my mind has a mind of its own, but then its malformed defense mechanisms don't allow me to do anything and I suffer having not met my own standards. In regards to one of my unfortunate counterproductive passions ,politics, that's good because any success in that arena would only lead me further into illusion.
In regards to relationships it is a horrible curse because there's nothing more real than love after all God is love.

I can only change myself.

I can only pick myself up,dust off the ego,and continue my journey humbly walking with God.

There is a lion in the mirror but that lion is ready to pounce and eat me alive.

Always remember that I have NOTHING to teach you. I am a sower of seeds not a creator of dogma's.

Today's PPF Reading

I am still learning so don't laugh and remember that the cards ultimately only have whatever meaning you give them. Before I get into my reading let me explain my process in brief.
 The Past-Present-Future three card spread is not meant to be used for general readings but as I am still learning it provides an easy way for me to get familiar with the cards and not get bogged down in learning complex spreads at this point.
 I ask the Unknown Father of All to give me guidance and then I shuffle. When I'm done shuffling I lay the stack out in three piles going from right to left and reveal the cards in a linear fashion one at a time.
 My belief in the cards has to do with my belief in the collective subconscious. I do use the common meanings as a ruff guide but my challenge is to fill in the cracks. When I do this its as if God is speaking to me.
 So my readings are in part based on chance and in part based on my imagination. Taken together they usually give me a good idea of what God is trying to tell me in general. While this is not a purely traditional method it has greatly enriched my life.

Past
God is telling me that I learned to take the long view and plant seeds that will grow and bloom into the sweetest fruit over time. I was no longer looking for short term gains but rather I was investing in my long term future. I took time to find those areas in my life that needed the most work but would pay off the most by being tended to like my mental health and spirituality and forgot superficial nonsense. This card indicates that it was frustrating at times but God is saying what I started in the recent past will pay off!








Present
God is saying I am at a very good point in my life. I have suffered greatly ,mostly due to my Ego, but Transformation is at hand. I have to believe that it is possible though and that it is in fact happening in this moment right now. Old bad memories are burning in the fire of the Unknown Fathers light and no longer are in the way of my ability to be happy.
I MUST listen to my Divine Spark within and be open to change in this time.
This card has eight stars each with eight points. As a Gnostic this reminds me of the seven levels of Heaven. The eighth point being the Pleroma itself,the Divine oneness above the Heavens which Gnostics strive to become one with.
Needless to say this card is a very good sign!



Future
Exciting! God is telling me that there is going to be great fulfillment for me soon. Because the card is reversed its only just beginning in the near future but in the long term it will be nothing short of amazing. Not only will my cup over flow with living spiritual water but the card indicates that God has a relationship in my future. True love,whether romantic or platonic,is coming! Super Exciting!

Wisdom Supersedes Canon or: The New Testment Canon Spelled P-O-W-E-R

 Athanasius, Bishop of Alexandria, on Jan. 7, A.D. 367 sent a letter out to all his churches making just 27 books official New Testament canon. It was no surprise considering Athanasius was a devoted follower of the doctrines of Irenaeus a MAN who essentially created the term "heretic" and famously made highly intellectual statements like,

"...It is not possible that the Gospels can be either more or fewer in number than they are. For since there are four zones of the world in which we live, and four principal winds, while the church has been scattered throughout the world, and since the 'pillar and ground' of the Church is the Gospel and the spirit of life, it is fitting that she should have four pillars, breathing incorruption on every side, and vivifying human afresh."

- Against Heresies 3.11.8

 Apparently to him "Four" was a holy number. The possibility that one might find wisdom in the other gospels was of no relevance.

Interestingly Irenaeus only recognized 21 books to be canon whereas Athanasius added 6 more to the list. That alone should give you some idea of what the value of the concept of  "the canon" really is.

I think the sad truth is that the canon was formed by these two men as a way to help the orthodox maintain power. Before the concept of  "canon" and "heretic" came along Christianity had very diverse opinions and books. Christians agreed on almost nothing but that was alright because they agreed on the only thing that really mattered,

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.."

-John 3:16

In my opinion who "God" is and what eternal life means is of less importance than the fact that Christ is the center of our religion in ALL its various forms.

Notice I used a quote from the Canon? My point is not that the canon is bad and devoid of wisdom my point is that the concept of a "canon" is nothing,its a man made creation.

 Wisdom supersedes canon.

I'm not alone in that belief it goes back centuries. Lets let Gnosis.org speculate on the story behind the most important extracanonical treasure trove of Wisdom ever discovered,

"It was on a December day in the year of 1945, near the town of Nag Hammadi in Upper Egypt, that the course of Gnostic studies was radically renewed and forever changed. An Arab peasant, digging around a boulder in search of fertilizer for his fields, happened upon an old, rather large red earthenware jar. Hoping to have found a buried treasure, and with due hesitation and apprehension about the jinn who might attend such a hoard, he smashed the jar open. Inside he discovered no treasure and no genie, but instead books: more than a dozen old codices bound in golden brown leather. Little did he realize that he had found an extraordinary collection of ancient texts, manuscripts hidden a millennium and a half before -- probably by monks from the nearby monastery of St. Pachomius seeking to preserve them from a destruction ordered by the church as part of its violent expunging of heterodoxy and heresy."

 If this story proves true those heavenly monks rebelled against the dictates of a man made doctrine likely because they believed that wisdom superseded canon too. As result some 1600 years later the world was reintroduced to a wisdom so strange,so beautiful,so illuminating that it changed the course of Christian history FOREVER!

Today's Card: Queen of Wands

The Queen of Wands is a very positive card. God is telling me that I should be positive today. I should be bold in my undertakings ,in this case I believe my new blog is the main subject, because my creative power is at its zenith. Wands are the suit of fire and that reminds me of passion.