I was taught to pray not listen, to read not feel,to accept not see.
Eventually I realized through studying the Gnostic Gospels that each of our spirits is of the same substance as the Divine so how could I learn to hear,feel,and see?
By following the advice of my lord Jesus Christ,
"...the Kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you.
When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and
you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living
-Gospel of Thomas,3
What I didn't know before is that God speaks from the inside out not from the outside in.
Though it may be obvious to you it wasn't to me. My understanding was stilted.
I looked everywhere else for God ,tried all kinds of practices, but I never found him because I didn't look inside. I was afraid too you see. I knew that inside me was great darkness.
A great and horrible darkness,the shadow.
But what I know now is that darkness is the illusion that encrusts the Divine Spark inside me and hides its light from my view.
Christ did not come into this world,he did not take on limited material form to save the righteous,
"I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners."
There is NOTHING so dark that it can not be illuminated,there is no one beyond redemption and enlightenment. Not even me and certainly not you!
"Light and darkness, life and death, right and left are mutually
dependent; it is impossible for them to separate. Accordingly the 'good'
are not good, the 'bad' are not bad, 'life' is not life, 'death' is not
-Gospel of Philip
I am not bad and I am not good,I am both.
When I learned to see the good in me again not just the bad I could hear,feel,and see my Lord from within!
It came when I realized that I am just a fool on a journey. When I accepted that I could forgive myself and then the Light came!